The last year for me has left me conflicted when it comes to dating or in my case attempting to date. As I started thinking back on my experiences and then sharing experiences with friends I found commonalities.
We encounter so many individuals who simply have given their best to less than deserving people prior to us. That said many of us fail to take accountability for giving to people we know we aren’t compatible with. Many of us hope to influence or away someone into changing THEIR behavior.
My natural disposition is one of optimism. I am optimistic that life, love, professions and family can all be healthy and thriving.
Unfortunately what I tend to attract are extremely broken individuals. Individuals void of purpose, passion and dare I say promise. Now the individuals whom I encounter aren’t naturally broken, but as a result of their previous encounters.
My role in my relationships and interactions that have failed is clear. I myself brought broken pieces. I never really pieced myself back together, because I was seen as strong or put together my partners never thought to help me while I was busy trying to help them.
It seems so many of us can easily tell you we got back up after a fall, but the truth is many of us are really still battered and bruised from that fall. We are still aching mentally, emotionally and some of us even financially as a result of our choice to deal with broken individuals.
Let’s be clear those broken individuals are not bad or evil, they just don’t want to acknowledge they are still broken and they do not want to acknowledge they are still hurting.
So instead of giving us a fresh plate of them, of their love and of their effort they provide us leftovers. Leftover effort, leftover empathy, leftover intimacy and leftover love.
It’s so important that many of us take time to really heal. Carrying over life’s burdens from one situation not only continually damages you, but it can damage your future potential unions. Now you find that someone who is barely holding on has attached to someone seemingly strong and fruitful draining then of the energy they never really had.
They do not fill their partners up instead they keep requiring their partner pour more and more out of their cup. The domino effect of this is massive. The leftovers you provide your loved ones impact their work life, their spiritual life, their family relationships and their friendships.
Take the time to heal. Make sure you are serving people a fresh plate of you. One that is transparent yet working through your issues. Serve them the best you possible. Push through the pain, but still acknowledge it so that you can work together to fix it. Acknowledge the good that they offer and acknowledge your faults that you naturally have.
Quit serving your leftovers to everyone. The truth is nobody wants to take in something that everyone else has prepared.
4 thoughts on “Leftovers ”
Love this. It’s very relatable for me.
I now know that I am not alone. Love this ❤️! I’ve encountered this same scenario and it has caused me to lack the want of dating again. When I have the sudden urge, I find myself looking for that person in others or, I value the person less of who they could be because in the back of my mind I feel that I may be getting similar leftovers. How do I move on and get past that? That person could actually be something fresh that I could possibly miss out on.
You get past it by being brutally honest about what attracted you to that person and why it didn’t workout. That’s my belief. For instance if Person A left you at the altar, but you saw early on they wouldn’t consistently commit to dates, but you drug them to the altar. You have to own that.
If you saw that your personalities and yoke didn’t align be honest!
Awesome Joseph!!! I’ve been on both ends of this. Taking time to heal is so important. So many of us jump into new situations thinking the new person when help to heal us, which is a recipe for disaster.