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A SEAT AT THE HEAD OF THE TABLE

Posted in LifeLeave a comment

It’s been hard to place the emotions, the words and energy accurately throughout the week.

If you are black, you understand what we saw this week is not unlike anything we’ve seen for at least the last nine years, thanks to cell phone video footage. I want to be clear that Black Lives Matter, Black Culture Matter and Black Opportunity Matter.

This week as I spoke to black friends around this country, many voiced a shared sentiment. Most felt unsupported in places we slave at, endure biases and give our secret sauce. Many felt like they were are their breaking point. We felt left out, negated, invisible, undervalued and insignificant despite the MANY contributions we have made. I do not know if it’s intentional; I know it probably was not, but I will say that it does not excuse it.

Far too many people carried on acting as if watching a person get murdered a regular day at the office and maybe it was for non-blacks but for black people we KNOW we could be shot at Walmart, in our homes, while out for a run, our kids can be fired at the park. The cops who kill them won’t see a minute of jail time.

Not acknowledging the damage that watching a real-life human being has their life taken for a possible crime that would have yielded 90 days to five years in prison, max stings in unimaginable ways. You may ask, “what do the two have to do with one another?” Here’s how they’re connected, in companies where there is little to no black leadership or limited diversity; specifically black people, you aren’t engaging in thoughtful conversation of what is going on outside of YOUR circles. I’d say how dare you, but I don’t even think MOST people also consider what happens outside of THEIR box.

I’d like to challenge the non-black people who follow me on my timeline to be INTENTIONAL. Be intentional about advocating for black people (straight and LGBTQIA+) to be considered, interviewed, hired and somewhat developed within your companies, as elected officials and in your organizations. You cannot just hire us as placeholders and try to drain us of the sauce. This country is far too diverse and black people have impacted culture so much that there is no entity that does not have our imprint on it.

If you make a choice to ignore black people, you will find yourself with a situation that has played out in the streets of over 30+ cities in the US and countless international towns. The sauce you want will explode from the unyielding and rarely rewarded pressure and the mess from that bottled up sauce will be on your hands.

Show up to make sure we live, show up to make sure OUR culture is supported and actuality connected with, not hijacked and make sure you have more than one black person in the rooms you sit in.

Make sure there are black people in your C-Suite. Make sure there are black people considered and hired. Make sure black people are on the ballots and supported and make sure you hear what black people are saying.

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The Truth About Fear

Posted in Faith, Finances, Humanity, Life, Love, Relationships1 Comment

Over the weekend, I had a good discussion with a good friend of mine. We had a real heart to heart. We discussed the uncomfortable truth about progress. I will share somethings that are an everyday reality for many individuals in Los Angeles. Particularly those who work in entertainment spaces. I know many people will post and share the glamour, the VIP events, they will share their latest threads and engaging social media posts. There is a reality to the curated content.

One of the conclusions of that conversation is that often, we CHOOSE not to grow because there is a much easier route opposite of progress. The easy route is always accessible. During the conversation, we were both honest about why, at times, we did not progress and we were honest about what it took to improve.

Common denominators for lack of progress fear of being laughed at. Fear of being isolated. Fear of being embarrassed. Fear. Common denominators of progress. Hard work, sacrifice and humility. As I reflected on that conversation, I thought back to the beginning of 2019. I was renting a room and extremely unhappy with my living situations. I wanted to move out of that situation and still maintain financial security. So I started getting more diligent and focused on budgeting. I decided to start my agency while freelancing. If you know anything about integrated communications and marketing, you know it is time-consuming. I did not have much time for much else. I was not making as much money as I wanted initially, so I started to deliver for Postmates. My truth is I was too insecure about delivering for Postmates. I thought, “What if someone I know were to see me?” I thought, “What if I deliver to someone I work with?” I had to be clear on the importance of my goals. If I was going to progress, I had to do a few things that made me uncomfortable until things started to shift. I began attending therapy to unpack and rewire how I processed a lot of things that no longer served me.

I knew that moving would also be expensive. At the time, I was spending a third of what I spend on bills now. I saved up as much as possible. I paid down as much debt as possible and started being proactive about handling my credit. I focused on career progression a lot in that first half of the year. I was missing out on a lot of things just to get to the place I wanted and needed to get to.  

I said all of this to say the last half of the year sped up and put me in places of unimaginable joy. My agency did well. I received a call out of the blue for an apartment and was able to move within weeks of finding it. I landed great freelance opportunities and healed a lot of past trauma.

I know fear is gripping. I know anxiety can make you afraid to get out of bed. I know fear can have you stuck. Just remember that the fear that is holding you will always be there; however, those opportunities you want will not. They will continue to move on to people showing up and showing out for them. That love you desire will not be prepared for you if you are not preparing for it. Do not let fear hold you tightly. Just do it, as Nike says if you want to start saving, research budgets and look at how you can realistically live and still save. If you’re going to get in better shape, get up each morning and start doing something to be a better version of yourself. If you want to find a new career,  start researching the steps it takes to get there and start applying yourself to get better and get to that point.

The Truth About Fear is it will always exist; the sooner you start training yourself to push through it, the better you become and slowly, you can and will improve. A consideration that will not necessarily make you alter your goal, but informs how you arrive at your destination.

 

 

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It Starts Early

Posted in communication, equality, Family, friendship, Humanity, Life, Social JusticeTagged , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

This is not a ranting blog post, nor is it an I hate white people post. My little brother is biracial as a bit of context; some of my good friends are white. This is a real brain dump. A friend of mine, the father to two young black boys, posed this question to me and it sparked this post. His questions, “…how do we individually or collectively minimize the immediate fear to shoot brown skin? I still have to teach them (his sons) how to interact safely with the blue… (posture, responses, hand gestures, etc.), which is stressful.”

Here is what I offer. We have to start to have honest conversations with one another and make a choice to connect with people who do not look like us. I can recall growing up in the south, Houston, TX, to be exact. Despite growing up in the south, I can remember my classes always being diverse. I had middle eastern friends, Vietnamese friends, black friends, white friends, Latino friends, biracial friends. All found a way to coexist and I can recall us all spending the night at each other’s home and hanging out as kids do. To the point that even when I was called a “nigger” on the playground around the age of 7 or 8, everyone knew it was wrong and went to tell the teacher. I can recall that even throughout high school, the group was reasonably close.

When everyone went to college, things began to shift. People migrated to schools or experiences that no longer challenged them. We all migrated to our comfort zones. The ones that looked like our homes. I give that back story to take us to this point. We are not honest about our differences, our similarities and are not honest about right and wrong. Honestly, for many years I thought that people got what they deserved for getting in trouble. As I have gotten older, my eyes got wider, my ears opened up, my heart softened and I began to look deeper. Here are a few truths:

  1. Black men are sentenced to more extended and harsher penalties. Here is one example per The Sarasota Herald-Tribune (Florida), with the same drug offense and same circumstances black men are sentenced to nearly triple the time as white men for the same crime.

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This is not to say drug crimes are not detrimental, but equal punishment should be the bare minimum for cases.  

2. It starts young. Minority groups are punished harsher earlier. The Sentencing Project, a non-profit who studies and advocates for equal justice, found that American Indian (Indigenous) youth are three times as likely to be held in a juvenile detention center than white youth.

“According to a Department of Education report, black students nationally were three times more likely to be suspended than whites in 2012. Suspensions occur most commonly in secondary schools, but black children were more than twice as likely to be suspended from preschool as well. Harsher discipline for black students is not just a Southern or state-level problem. It is a national crisis.” – NY Times, September 2017

Vox had disparities broken down in 7 charts to discuss hidden racism and racial bias as it relates to kids. I won’t bore you with more charts, but the link is here: https://www.vox.com/2015/10/31/9646504/discipline-race-charts.

3. It is reasonable black, white, Asian, Hispanic and Latino, and biracial individual’s responsibility to not only challenge but to hold those accountable for biases and abuse accountable. That means we have to do more than share a post via social media. We have to do more than a retweet. We have to vote for diverse leadership, advocate for better rules and laws while checking our own biases. As a person of color in certain parts, I have been complicit. Not that I said this black or brown person was guilty or deserved their punishment, but I did not speak up when someone portrayed a black or brown person as more dangerous or insert the adjective.

4. We need to retrain police and civic officials on how to interact with diverse groups of people. They are not allowed to bring their biases to work. Period. We need cognitive gun reform. That way, there is much less threat of someone using a weapon against police officers who risk their lives. Officers also need to exercise common sense. That means a gun should be the last resort for non-violent SUSPECTS. For instance, a burglary or a loitering call should lead to an arrest, not a dead body. Period.

To close…

If our country is going to move things forward, we need more individuals who speak up loudly. That does not have to be a fight or an argument, but a conversation challenging the individuals who are being painted with a broad stroke.

When we do not challenge the things we know to be inherently wrong, then we raise young kids who become police officers, judges, Starbucks Managers, teachers, principals, school administrators, school board members and elected officials who do not advocate for true and equal justice.

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My Biggest Fear Came True…

Posted in Finances, Humanity, Life, MovingTagged , , , 2 Comments

I’ve struggled with whether or not I should share this story, but ultimately I know it may be meaningful to someone else. Our testimonies are not our own, but rather for others to know there is another side of through.

2017 was one of the most challenging years of my adult life. In 2016 I moved to Los Angeles without a car, a job and a stable home. I know that sounds crazy, right! The good news was I landed on my feet. I secured a position within the first few months and I worked at Nickelodeon in publicity for about six months until my contract ended.

From there, I was lucky I had several different terrific interviews and decided on a small PR agency that provided a good learning lesson, but it wasn’t the most stable. Several months into the role one day after working and successfully pitching several clients, I was told I was being let go after one of our clients filed for bankruptcy. I won’t go into too much detail about the company, but I had known spiritually for a while that something was off.

After passing on 3 of the biggest companies in PR and Entertainment for the role, I was left searching for a job. This is an LA and creative thing, but that also meant I did not have much of a safety net. For about two months, I was left with little or no money. The bad timing of the incident was compounded by the fact that I had agreed to move out of the apartment I was sharing.

*Deep Sigh* so on June 21st I moved out as promised and had to live on friend’s couches and in hotel rooms for the next few months. I was homeless. I moved six times in about 2.5 months. It was honestly one of the most difficult spiritual experiences of my life. I have never cried so much and I have never been so disappointed in God like I was during those times. If you know anything about LA, you know that the housing market and situations are too tricky. It is incredibly tedious and challenging and you are not moving in without several thousand dollars and employment for at least three months, so my issues were a serious roadblock. Sure, I could have called my family and asked for help and easily had the problem solved, but that would only be a temporary fix.

I contemplated packing up and moving home and leaving LA. By the time June 21st hit, I had secured a new job, but that also meant that I had to pay off a lot of debt from not working. Things were tough. I applied to every position possible. I received no offers or received offers that would exacerbate things more than help. I did not share my story at the time because I was ashamed and I had not fully processed the experience.

That experience taught me several things:

1. Shift your focus.

From the situation, I shifted my focus to the positive things and acknowledged the bad. I just CHOSE not to sit in the bad.

2. Always say thank you!

I began saying thank you every day despite how those days looked. Thanks when it was terrible and gratitude when it was good. When it was awful, I was renting a weekly room in North Hollywood with no a/c during the summer, where it’s 100 plus degrees daily. When it was good were my days at work and with my friends at the beach or at game nights. That spiritual shift and choosing to remain positive has stuck and I can tell you that by focusing on the end zone and not the play I have seen how my life keeps manifesting.

3. Good people exist.

On the day I was going to give up and move back home, a buddy Geo reached out a mid-ugly cry. We talked and he shared his story; it gave me hope. Geo and his roommates were kind enough to house me for a few weeks as I recharged and found a permanent place.

4. Strong People ask For Help.

Before this experience, I rarely, if ever, asked for help. I thought I was not strong if I asked for help. What I learned through my old roommate Hal, Benecia (my prayer warrior and spiritual homie), Merling & Mike, Marco, Rodney and Geoffery is that help comes when we ask for it. My goal is to one day repay the many kind individuals that opened their homes, wallets and their hearts.

My point in sharing this story is to help someone else going through a tough time. Your tough time may not be mine, but it is still a valid journey as mine may not be representative of your tough time(s). Shift your focus, say thank you,

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6 Things you Can Do and Not Do to Improve Your Relationships!

Posted in communication, Faith, Family, friendship, Humanity, Life, Love, Relationships, sexualityTagged , , , , , , , Leave a comment

I want to preface this blog by stating I am NOT a therapist or a relationship expert. I am merely sharing observations and insight from conversations; all that said, I am thoughtful and I work to manage my relationships because people matter!

Throughout this post, you will see friendship and/or relationship used. Friendships matter and so do intimate relationships. So the advice can apply to both. That said, I hope this touches something in each of us. I struggle with some of the items on the list, so this acts as a reminder to me as well.

6. Do not let your ego overshadow your friend and/or relationship.

When I look at some lasting relationships, I see people who can laugh at one another and also laugh with one another. Some of us let our egos overpower our partners and us. We are too good to be wrong, we have to be right and get in the weeds of things that do not matter. In your relationship, your credentials, degrees, cars and age should not be used to trump your partner. EVER! Throw all that out the door. Yes, you worked hard to attain and accomplish certain things, but your friendship and/ or relationship should not be the place you prop yourself up in, it should be a safe place to just exist.

5. Respect your friend and/or partner’s time.

This may seem like common sense, but it is vital. If you have a commitment, meet it, or give notice before the date and time, you cannot meet the obligation. Things come up. We overbook ourselves and sometimes forget, but if you consistently drop the ball or disrespect their time, you are communicating to that friend and/or partner that they are not valuable.

4. Publicly Show Respect to Your Friend/ Partner.

Acknowledging your friends and/or partner is essential. Be sure you are not spending all your time arguing about a sports team, movie, singer, etc. At a party or gathering, mention how proud of your friend/ partner you are. Social media is inundated with arguments over people; many of us do not know, but what about that particular individual (s) in your life. When is the last time you bragged on your friends and their work and the achievements they are completing?

3. DO NOT AIR YOUR LAUNDRY IN FRONT OF PEOPLE!

Think of it this way. When your apartment or house has a leak or broken appliance. Are you going to post about it on Social media for days or even weeks before fixing it, or are you going to get to work trying to fix it? The same goes for friendships and/or relationships. Do not vent to social media about your relationship. Have a conversation with the person(s) you’re with unless you are prepared to share ALL OF YOUR shortcomings! Do not try to show up or embarrass or send a message via social media.

2. Be respectful of your friend and/or partner’s other friends and family and expect the same.

You may not like one of your friends and/or partner’s other friends or family members, but instead of trashing and tearing them down and involving your friend or partner, have a respectful adult conversation to resolve or mend things. Nothing good can come from you libeling, attacking and attempting to discredit someone else. Make an effort to be in healthy communicative interaction with people that you WILL have to share space with that your partner love.

1. Actively work on you.

Friendships and/or relationships are the process of evolution. Your friend(s) and/or partner should be able to support you and you do the same. However, if you are merely knee-deep in their business and their endeavors, you cannot evolve on your behalf in the best way. Yes, you may have times where one of your friends and/or your partner may need you, but to completely dump your dreams and abandon your own ambition is a recipe for disaster.

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Mo Money! Mo Money! Mo Money!

Posted in Business, Finances, LifeTagged , , , , Leave a comment

If you are like so many of us on social media, you see hashtags of various travel groups and posts of so many cool items. We are literally inundated with more and more opportunities to travel more, buy more and eat out at concept restaurants than ever before.

The enticing images that we see are great, but then reality hits I am going to afford spending a lot of money to experience these things. How do we add to our budgets and increase our streams of income?

There are two points to consider when pondering the issue. The first point is it will take a little extra (or a lot depending on your goals) to generate new income. The second point is social media, the web and apps making generating revenue easier than ever.

Here are some opportunities for generating income around the holidays and after, separated by commitment level.

Low Commitment Level –

THE FACTS:

Opportunities like Postmates, Door Dash,  and Lyft require a few hours of your time and can yield $15-$25/ hour in return. The good news is you do not even need a car to participate in many of the digital part time jobs. DoorDash and Postmates allow for you to walk depending on the city you are in or ride your bike. If you participate in uber or lyft you have to have a vehicle that fits their guidelines and carry  special rideshare insurance, be sure to calculate costs associated with participating based on your area of residence.

Door Dash and Postmates differ in two areas, payment and scheduling. Door Dash utilized analytics in a way that allows you to see how much you will make prior to accepting the run. You can also schedule yourself for availability in particular areas. This ensures if you do drive you are not just idle.

Postmates essentially lets you see a heat map, but does not tell you how much you make and does not let you schedule.

EXTRA INFORMATION:

You have to pass a background check. I would assume any violent felonies or driving felonies could result in you not being bale to drive for uber or lyft to be aware of that.

If you sign up with Postmates you can get even more EXTRA by using the following referral code “josephcwilliams@att.net”

Complete 10 deliveries IN 21 DAYS and you earn $50 extra or dive right in completing 60 deliveries IN 28 DAYS and you earn $250 EXTRA!

Mild Commitment Level –

THE FACTS:

Companies like BDS Marketing provide weekend opportunities for professionals. You can make anywhere from $15-$20/ hour working in your local Best Buy and big box retailers. You simply answer questions and demonstrate products to shoppers like yourself. There is remote online training that takes place. The employers will ship you all the materials you need like shirts, display items to test out and you are off to work. You will need access to your own computer and smartphone to complete reports, be sure to factor that in if you do not have those items already. These roles are great for experienced sales and marketing professionals.

EXTRA INFORMATION:

There is a lot of talk, standing and walking required in these roles. The good news is there are additional incentives if your demonstrations and discussions lead to additional sales in your stores you work in Be sure you are ready!

High Commitment Level –

THE FACTS:

The truth is there are a ton of opportunities to freelance depending on your expertise and your location. The freelance opportunities may require a little more effort depending on your niche. There are tons of freelance websites (craigslist; don’t laugh it works!)  where you can submit an Ad for your services.

Are you a teacher? Freelance as a tutor in our area outside of work and YOU can develop curriculum as opposed to teaching a curriculum that may not fit every student.

Are you an accountant? Help a business or individual manage their books and earn substantial income outside of your 9-5 job/ career.

EXTRA INFORMATION:

Cushion your pricing to account for taxes you will be charged on your additional income on freelance gigs. Be sure to prepare invoice templates, download free customizable contracts and be prepared to provide status updates and benchmarking depending on what you do.

Hopefully this helps someone reading it. We all wish we could be paid more at our respective jobs. Though you may not directly control your pay you can control the additional income you earn and with the holidays gearing up there are some great opportunities to add to your savings or to your budget.

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#takeaknee and the 4 Types of People

Posted in communication, equality, friendship, Humanity, Life, Politics, Social Justice, Sports1 Comment

August 26, 2016, sports and politics collided as it has so many times before in history. On that day, Colin Kaepernick decided to start a peaceful protest that involved taking a knee during the singing of the national anthem before NFL games, to bring attention to the murder of unarmed black people and the lack of conviction that occurs once an officer murders an unarmed black person.

 

From there, a firestorm erupted. His coaches, his teammates and his owner supported his right to protest peacefully. Fans, political pundits, and politicians weighed in with their anger and opposition to the protest. The excuse used to distract from Colin was the fact that he was unpatriotic and did not respect the flag or American troops.

 

Following the 2016 NFL season, Colin decided to leave the struggling San Francisco 49ers, a team that was on their threerd coaches in his tenure as a QB and far removed from any chance of competing in the Super Bowl that Colin helped lead them to. Throughout the summer, Colin was overlooked for NFL job after job. Retired, unemployed, and far less statistically comparable quarterbacks were selected for positions that every football pundit has since said they did not deserve or were not qualified for.

 

Despite Colin not having a job and no longer currently being an active NFL player, the President of the United States weighed in.  At a rally on Friday, September 22, 2017, in Huntsville, Alabama, Trump said, “Wouldn’t you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say, ‘Get that son of a b—- off the field right now. Out. He’s fired. He’s fired!”

 

Many athletes, Americans and politicians subsequently weighed in which has become the norm when the President says outlandish things, a new weekly habit.

 

Though this is troubling, because the constitution protects the right to peaceful protest, it is also alarming that a sitting President would assert that a private entity should fire someone for actions he does not agree with. I want to put a period there and shift. This is not about Donald Trump or the controversy he loves to stir up. The focus should be on why kneeling during the National Anthem is essential!

The focus on why turning off the NFL games is essential.  Though owners now “disagree” with President Trump, despite their million-dollar campaign contributions, they have essentially fired Colin Kaepernick and have not spoken out in regards to the very reason Colin Kaepernick took a knee.

I have four types of people I want to speak to.

 

  1. To the black and brown people who continue to watch the NFL, I get it. You grew up watching and loving football, you’ve purchased your season tickets and your respective team represents something “positive” in your hometown. Those are the legitimate claims I have heard from those still watching games. I am not begging you to protest or condemning you for not protesting, but I have two questions to ponder on that could reshape history should you choose to join in on blacking out the NFL. The two questions are:

 

  1. What if Rosa Parks decided to go about business as usual and to this day only, we were never allowed to sit in any section of a bus other than the back?
  2. What if the 600+ individuals who marched on Selma decided that voting was not as important after all since they could face resistance?
  3. What are you willing to give up, to move the conversation forward and force solutions?

 

I ask those questions because you could one day be the hashtag we mourn.

 

  1. To the white people, calm down I am not mad at white people, which oppose and reject Donald Trump if you want to make a statement talk about black and brown people being disproportionately murdered by police officers without a trial and turn your tv off during NFL games because the individual who sacrificed his job and career to call attention to the issue has been subjected to the treatment Donald Trump encouraged. The NFL losing millions of dollars each week, sends a message that you stand with the black and brown people who you call friends, neighbors and coworkers.

 

  1. Lastly, to the black and brown people who have turned your televisions off, sold your tickets and now refuse to support the NFL, keep it up, but do not verbally abuse and criticize people who do not see things the way you do instead continue the peaceful demonstration.

 

  1. To the individuals who feel that Colin’s protest was disrespectful to the flag and our troops and/ or believe it should be left off of the field, I would ask you, do you feel such outrage for Muhammad Ali who refused to enlist for the Vietnam War? What about former MLB player Shawn Green? What about Kathrine Switzer, did she protest discrimination in the right way? Did Branch Rickey make the right decision by breaking precedent with American and baseball tradition in 1946? Or are you just uncomfortable talking about why Colin took a knee?

 

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Before Moving to LA Read This!

Posted in Entertainment, Fashion, Film, Life, MovingTagged , , , , , , Leave a comment

My move to LA has been one of the best moves that ever happened to me, but I wish someone gave me a guide book to the city before moving here.

LA has so much to offer and it also has some real challenges. To help you prepare, I came up with a guide to help with important things to consider.

  1. Financial Preparation-

I am starting here because this can make OR break you. The stories of coming to LA with $1,000 are great and good inspirational stories, but you are going to be in a word of hurt if you do that in or after 2017.

Here’s why. The cost of living is something we hear a lot about as it pertains to LA, but that does not put into perspective what it means. Groceries are more expensive, housing is not just more costly, but it can be too to have a safe place to live if you are not prepared to drop more than $2,500 for a studio, and then buy appliances and a window unit. You read that right not central a/c a window unit and buy machines. So if your mental calculator is not the best, your total move-in costs could quickly exceed $3,000 for a studio with no real updates completed since 1990.

Another aspect of preparing for is the super competitive housing market. Here today, gone today explains apartments in LA. If the apartment is a great deal, comes with a stove and fridge (or 1 of the 2) expect it to be gone quickly. Shopping around is a luxury in LA.

Check out the housing links for Craigslist, HotPads, and Westside Rentals to help you find a place to live before moving so that you can unpack your bags and not find yourself couch surfing for months on end.

  1. Physical preparation-

The hustle and bustle of the city are real. That said, you need a healthy outlet to sweat out the alcohol, possible stress, and being photo ready for the LA weather.

Start early. Before you move, find a park near you to go running or map out a route in your neighborhood. LA is a city where a gym membership is friendly, but plenty of people stay fit with a hike and boot camp.

  1. Spiritual preparation-

This is probably the biggest and most crucial point. Know who you are before you get here—something a sound spiritual life can only provide. Moving to LA, you are going to encounter your favorite actor or singer in random places. You may be invited to countless events, and there is always something to do. Be sure those opportunities do not define you and that your self worth does not need a backdrop, exclusive party, or celebrity picture to let you know you belong.

The fantastic thing about LA is there are great spiritual outlets. There are churches, Buddhist temples, and everything in between to meet the spiritual and religious needs you have.

  1. Work Ethic-

Point blank has it before you get here. You may be the best in Middle America, Dallas or Houston, TX, or even Miami, but 100k people in LA are just as good and probably better. What is going to differentiate you is your work ethic. No is going to be something you hear a lot of. It may come in the form of “let’s talk later,” “let’s do lunch,” or “something came up,” but be diligent and stay ready. You have to be prepared like never before, which is why your spiritual preparation aligns with your work ethic.

  1. Professional Preparation-

Be good at many different things and master one. LA is the land of opportunity. You should be knee-deep in what you say you want to do. You may be moving to be an actor, but do not be afraid to dust that degree off and find a 9-5 until things get moving for you.

You may DJ on the weekends or in the evening but drive for uber/lyft until you establish a network. In LA, most people have multiple hustles.

This connects to the spiritual preparation portion, be kind and be humble. The person in yoga pants could be a yoga instructor, the VP at a major network, or your next publicist. LA is a casual city. You just never know who is who. I know social media makes you believe you have to dine at $100/plate restaurants nightly and brunch every day just do not fall into the trap that if that becomes your lifestyle, you no longer feel the need to be kind and to stay humble.

  1. Learn the Areas-

Before moving to LA, I thought I knew where I wanted to live. After over a year in Los Angeles, I now realize I knew nothing. Here are a few neighborhoods I have learned about.

Hollywood

I first crashed with a friend in Hollywood. I loved the walkability and inexpensive Uber/Lyft in the area. The downside can be pricing and parking. Be prepared to only have street parking except from 8 am – 6 pm and not on Mondays for the street sweepers, which I never saw.

The Valley (Sherman Oaks, North Hollywood, Van Nuys)

Surprisingly this area comes with some fairly nice spaces. You can get more bang for your buck and you can get some good updated spaces. The downside is you are far from a lot of things and rarely does anyone travel to the Valley if they do not already live there. The area is also great for those who work at studios and dancers. North Hollywood also has a train station to help get you through the city.

Mid-City/ Koreatown

This area has decent apartment pricing. The challenge is parking. There is rarely parking available, so if you live in one of those areas, be prepared to pay for a spot if the option is available.

Ladera Heights

This neighborhood is a true gem. You can find homes that remind you of a suburb of your local community. For me, it reminds me of some areas in Houston. After taking a look at my place, I walked to Starbucks, the cleanest one I have EVER seen and found nearly 50 people playing Chess and checkers. Everyone seems to be friendly and it is not too close to the airport, but close enough for you to get there for $5 in an Uber/Lyft.

Good luck with the LA move. May it lead you to the next level of your journey!

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Fragile Masculinity and Ill Informed Women 

Posted in communication, equality, friendship, Humanity, Life, sexualityTagged , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

For as long as I can remember, I have grown up around men. Like real man’s men, football-loving, basketball-playing, I don’t mind sweating men or getting dirty men. In the same regard, the men I was blessed to grow up around were secure. They were secure in their masculinity and secure in who they were. 

You see, the men I speak of were my grandfather, my dad, my uncles, great uncles, cousins, mentors, and coaches.
As I look back, I can’t remember a time my dad didn’t give me a hug and/or kiss my forehead and tell me he loved me as I departed him. My uncle acted the same way. I was my grandpa’s shadow and he didn’t mind letting me know he loved me.

Yet all these men were masculine, secure, STRAIGHT men! My mentor would provide a welcome hug and handshake; my coaches usually did the same. That set the foundation for me knowing I can be a man and that my masculinity is not attached to the behavior. It is a sense of self. It also taught me what to expect from people who say they care about you. 
I opened this post with that background because it seems maybe I experienced a twilight zone movie. More and more on social media, some woman unfamiliar with what it takes to be a masculine and secure man is telling men what acceptable behavior and clothing is for men. When a man is not behaving how these women and men see fit, he is now associated with one of the most unintelligent and juvenile terms used to slander a man. He’s called gay!

Within the past three months alone, I have seen women and some supposedly masculine men refer to men who wear a short and shirt sewn together as “gay.” I have even seen a woman refer to a man who eats brunch with another group of men without a woman as gay. 
Men should not be worrying about what another man is doing that makes him happy and fits his life. I cannot understand how a woman or man, someone who is secure in themselves and satisfied with their life, would be worried why another man has on shorts with a shirt or why that man is brunching with another group of men. 

Besides that, breaking bread, as it’s commonly called in educated circles, is a way for many people to connect, be it socially, be it for business, be it spiritually. It seems many are unaware of ways to do business and thus stagnant professionally, socially, and spiritually.
Though I may not wear a romper or romp him, what another man wears will not impact my paycheck, it will not make me uncomfortable, and I do not have time to be worrying about what they do with their body and their clothing that they paid for and work for. 

Next, STOP using terms like GAY to describe someone’s actions or as a slur. Other adjectives fit and they are a bit more intelligent. Find something that speaks to what you are trying to say. Using the term gay as a slanderous term reduces your intelligence level down to a kindergartener or first grader and even then, we should teach our children that there are better words for use to describe individuals. We should even teach our kids that name-calling is not acceptable. 

As I sit back, I now realize why it is so hard for many of the great straight men I know who are secure to meet, date, and marry. If they are labeled gay for having taste, being cultured, having brunch with their fraternity brothers, colleagues, and friends, what hope do they have? My mentor had hosted brunch for men to connect and discuss ways in which we can work together for quite some time and those relationships he has fostered have provided a brotherhood of men from various walks of life in a multitude of career fields and helped entrepreneurs across this country. Some of you ladies are missing your King because he wore a romper and had brunch with the fellas while drinking champagne and not a sagging while drinking a Old English sitting in the backyard. 

To close this, I think it would serve us a lot better as a generation and a society if we started working together instead of marginalizing one another. We should be learning about one another and working to make the world around us better for the next generation. That means making sure that we are mobilizing for our next election, voting in local elections and keeping those we vote for accountable. 

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I look forward to the day…

Posted in education, equality, Humanity, Life, Politics, Social JusticeTagged , , , , , , , 1 Comment

I look forward to the day when I can no longer be afraid to leave the house. I look forward to the day that fear does not shoot through my body when I see a cop car behind me or riding alongside me.

That day where I know my skin, height, and mannerisms are not seen as threatening and are seen for what they should be.

You see the reality is I am no more threatening than the men who hung my ancestors, enslaved them, beat them, hosed them, attacked them with batons, and the men who allowed their dogs to attack them, yet for some reason I am and men who look like me are all seen as aggressive.

About the acquittal of the officer who got away with murdering #PhilandoCastille.

I cannot say that I am shocked. I no longer can feel rage. I have come to expect nothing, but what typically happens when a black or brown person is murdered and nobody is charged. 

In all honesty, as a black man, my worst fear is usually being stopped and killed by the police. I haven’t committed a crime, yet I am worried about being stopped and killed by the police. I worry about what will be said about me when I die. Will the vilify me and reference me as an aggressive person? Will my character be called into question despite what I have done in life?
What is even more appalling is the law allows for black and brown men & women to be abused by the very people they are supposed to serve and protect. This is why people like Amanda Seales are so PASSIONATE about how WE are treated.

This is why Kaepernick protested because when we are murdered without cause, we then get slapped in the face with zero justice! 
People say America is great and I love our country, but this country is not here for us in the same way it is for everyone else! That is not even a debate that can take place!